No! It's not you, it's the devil next to you!

Dear One,

Do you feel that you are loved by everyone around you but still feel unloved, there is a hollow inside you that never fills. You hate yourself, doubt yourself, and question, "What am I even doing on this earth?" You may get suicidal, stuck in denial, refusing to accept that it’s not your fault. Because if it’s not you, then who? After all, they are the ones supporting you, financing you, helping with chores, paying for your education, and taking care of you. You don’t have enough proof to doubt them—your friends, colleagues, and family love them. Some are even jealous of you for having them. Your narcissist could be in any relationship, your father, mother, sibling, friend, partner, spouse, relative, grandparents, teacher, helper, boss, and even your most trusted confidant.

Impact of Narcissistic Relationships

You may develop behavioral, physical, and mental health issues with no identifiable cause. It’s as if your body is screaming for help, trying to make you see the invisible chains you’re trapped in, even when your mind refuses to believe it. Just remember if you doubt yourself, lose confidence, always need validation, are a people pleaser, are desperate to feel loved, are obsessive about your narcissist, or make the person feel like everything, when you put someone at a pedestal level, you feel empty and useless after all the effort, whatever you do is never enough, you work hard for the little respect, you feel unseen, unheard, isolated, not understood. You will have everything yet you feel like a beggar. Your achievements are minimized and failures are highlighted. In the name of care, they will control. Your identity is lost, you are robbed, isolated from anyone or anything that empowers you... then know, there is a narcissist around you. Behavioral issues like people pleasing, confusion, isolation, memory issues, begging, clingy, needy, hungry for admiration, and low self-worth. You keep changing jobs, friends, locations. Psychological problems like mood swings, irritation, anger, sadness, depression, OCD, Anxiety, PTSD, uncontrollable crying, fainting episodes, rejection, acute emptiness, or acting out behavior. Unexplained medical issues like migraine, temporary blindness, Cardiovascular Problems, Gastrointestinal Issues, Weakened Immune System, IBS, unexplained body pain, or sudden illness. Not clinically but in a way delusional for hoping they will change.

Furthermore, emerging research in neurobiology suggests that long-term narcissistic abuse can lead to changes in brain function and structure. Chronic stress from such relationships may alter neural pathways, affecting decision-making and emotional regulation.

NeuroLaunch.com

Individuals in relationships with narcissists must seek professional support. Therapists experienced in dealing with narcissistic abuse can provide strategies to cope with the psychological and physical effects, aiding in the recovery and restoration of well-being.

The beginning of the illusion

They present themselves as smart, intelligent, charismatic, calm, in control of their emotions, not easily offended, accommodating, always seen in action, working, joking, good with adults, fun with children, the life of the party, and incredible humor. They are mostly positioned as leaders, providers, or the alpha in the family. Everyone wants them around, they always get people's undivided attention wherever they go they always shine. There is this class, some magnetic attraction, it's very hard to miss, especially if you are raised by narcissistic parents. In their company, you feel like high on cocaine. You are equally smart, beautiful, intelligent, a problem solver, better at managing work and home, and have a designation and identity of your own, the manipulator is attracted to your empathetic charm. Their lies will deceive signals of gut feeling, your well-wisher's advice, the proof of their cunning story is right in front of your eyes, but the adrenaline of narc is so high, you don't know how else you will survive. The funny thing is what they are, what you like in them is a reflection of you, they steal your persona and project theirs on you, what you hate in yourself is not you, however, you have been gaslighted in believing you are pathetic and they are the best in you. Ladies and Gentleman, I present you The Covert Narcissist - The Dual Personality - The Devil in pure disguise.

Who Are Covert Narcissists?

Covert narcissists are subtle yet highly manipulative individuals who maintain a dual personality. On the surface, they appear humble, successful, calm, and empathetic, often excelling in their careers and earning admiration from peers. They know how to steal attention without stepping into the limelight. However, behind closed doors, they employ psychological tactics like gaslighting (making you doubt your reality), love bombing (overwhelming you with affection to gain control), scapegoating (blaming you for their shortcomings), and smear campaigns (spreading lies to destroy your credibility).

They manipulate relationships with flying monkeys (enablers who act on their behalf) and create toxic family dynamics, often elevating one person as the golden child while condemning another as the scapegoat. Their ability to charm others while subtly undermining their victims leaves you oscillating between confusion and hope.

The play begins...

They’ll take you to parties and leave you feeling abandoned while they mingle and you are left out. When you ask, they’ll be angry, playing the victim, and call you clingy. They buy you the best things—home, car, gadgets, and they pamper you with money, helpers, and luxury — while they remain minimalistic, don't be surprised it's just part of their sadistic game and you are their favorite toy. They’ll become the victim whenever they are held accountable, accusing you of being demanding, unfair to their parents, or keeping them from their friends, they call you controlling, possessive, and exploitative, I remember I already told you they project their unwanted traits by telling lies. They’ll bring you a chair- give you comfort, feed you with care, offer you a jacket, and put up a show for the audience to admire their magnificent qualities, in front of others they disguise and they do this knowingly in complete consciousness to satisfy their empty inside. They won’t look at you, subtly ignore you, in the same party, only you will witness this rejection, leaving you perplexed unworthy, and shattered while they thrive. They’ll go the extra mile to get you something but will miss the details that matter to you, like buying you a pan with supari when they know you hate it. So, when you complain, they’ll look like the sane hero, and you’ll look lik4 the crazy zero. They know what you want, what empowers you, what makes you cry, and what leaves you numb. You will always see them on the other side, siding with a partner you never liked. Their life is a closed book, a secret, and they provide you the safety and security to get vulnerable by calling themselves good listeners and shy. They like to be in charge and control all the time, always on the lookout, if they ever find you getting empowered, celebrated, or successful they don't like and plot their diabolical plan to isolate you all the time. They might be part of the major events of your life, like graduation, PTMs, delivering a child, supporting you with finances, paying for your grooming, taking you on vacation, nursing you when you are ill, and paying the hospital bills, They may help you with your through chores, support you during delivery, change children's nappies, do their duties once in a while and make sure their bubble of illusion stays permanent, they encouraged you to go out with your friends, buy you the best of best, never stop you from directly from doing what you want, they make you laugh, supports your family, in short, you cannot put finger on the flaws of a covert narcissist. In the end, you know it's them, however, convince yourself in hindsight to make you believe you are incomplete without them, you need them to serve your purpose, and you are lucky one and forever in their debt. (self gaslighting) After all, they are the entitled king and you are born to provide them their supply. To be their priority and choice of a favorite person, to make them proud and get their attention, you go to extends, change your style, and reject anyone who unmasks the narcissistic facade; deny the reality so you can keep the illusion bubble alive. In this one-sided love story, you feel proud, as you strongly believe your narc is a reason you are alive. Blind-sighted, in the illusion of perfect love, a fairytale story, your knight in shining armor has arrived. They do all this because they’re the master manipulators. All the good things that happened to you were something you always wanted, so you tell yourself "What's the fuss", it's not them it's me who is the loud, unwanted, and disturbed". That makes their illusion stronger. During fights, they use the information shared in confidence against you, tell you nobody likes you, and if you bring a wellwisher for advice they will call you a broadcaster, eventually making their isolation technique work fine. They will not come in front but slowly put doubts about your loved ones in your mind "The compliment she gave you, was fake, you were not looking good and she wasn't honest with you because she wanted to look good and you bad." "ohh! That friend, you are so naive, your friend is exploiting you in pure daylight", and if you dare confront they will minimize, "It was a joke, you were supposed to laugh, how sensitive you are, you take things personally and always the one who start fights".

Two for One, Their dual personality is very confusing

You won't know whether you should cry, run away, seek help, or be thankful that they are by your side. Passive- aggression is their punishment, they will go mute for days, not look at you, not answer you, miss your calls, ignore your talks, and there will be no space for you to talk and confide. They will be quiet for days, pretending to be a cool and happy person everywhere, their every move will make them look good and dramatic. If they have been wronged, or someone empowered the favorite toy, challenge them of their right, revenge is something they must take, or else they cannot survive. Their revenge technique is also like their name covert, you will not know what happened, why you are world has suddenly collapsed. They are the victim and you culprit they highlight, while you sulk and wait for closer, they have already moved on and expect you to move on and focus on the present, avoiding the consequences and accountability of their actions in the past. In the name of mischief and fun, they pull your legs in front of everyone, the overt narcissist will devalue in front of everyone, and you will know it, but cover narcissist revenge is hidden, they wear the mask of the safest person and you would not know the damage they make, until you start experiencing symptoms. You tell your therapist you have the best life one can have but nothing you do is right. There is no acknowledgment, loving initiations, or validation unless they have an interest in making you smile. They play with you in pure daylight, you catch them manipulate and you give them chance after chance in the hope they will change, looking at their "innocent face" you convince yourself you are the devil and your narc is the victim. And after all this, I guarantee, you will deny their reality, find ways to give excuses for their behavior, and bear the consequences of what they did to you and your loved ones, The day you think it's enough, you learn to believe in yourself, you consider yourself worthy of a non-toxic relationship, you dare to try therapy, a new perspective and gather the courage to accept yourself with all you have, you will see them without their mask, let go of your fairy tale denial, and you will finally find yourself, and once again you will run right in their traps. Not only your friends and family, but they have the skills to mesmerize your therapist, making you the one insane and turning you against yourself, by gaslighting and making you doubt your every decision and you still submit yourself to their service believing you are the luckiest person, while in reality when you look within, you have already lost yourself and everything you have.

The Truth About Covert Narcissists

Their charm and competence are a facade designed to control, dominate, and mask their internal void. They manipulate not because you are weak, but because they fear confronting their own flaws. Recognizing their tactics and breaking free from their influence is essential. You are not the problem, nor are you crazy. The chaos they create is designed to make you doubt yourself and cling to the illusion they’ve built.

A covert narcissist doesn’t need to yell, show anger, or create dramatic scenes to make you look bad. With a smile on their face, they will subtly manipulate and deceive you and everyone around you, isolating you from kids, friends, family, your job—anything that empowers you. Eventually, they rob you of your last resource—your sanity.

You slog day and night, and they belittle you by asking, what work do you have the whole day?

They will have affairs, especially if you have done something where you shined, making sure you feel unworthy and cheap. They don't take accountability and will have the audacity to play the victim, saying "it’s because of your strict nature I might have slipped". They won’t share their life with you, but they will with their mistress, ensuring you feel you’re not enough.

You will never know, they make all the moves to ruin your day

Expect big drama, especially on your most special days—birthdays, anniversaries, or family gatherings. They may plan extravagant birthdays or vacations to gain fame, only to ruin most of your days. They might plan surprises with your friends but spoil them for you beforehand. They’ll put on a show of big parties or vacations and then trigger you with something, forcing you to be the one to cancel everything (this is gaslighting). They will spend on a luxury hotel, then somehow belittle you, trigger you, and would not mind if you stay out the whole night. Usually, they might be up till 3 am with their binge-watching, but on your birthday they will go to sleep at 11:30pm. They will demand all the attention and then blame you for their failures. They are attracted to your innocence, woe you with exactly how you would expect, and become your perfect idol. They will ensure you never shine, you guess it right, to project "their" shame, worthlessness, inferiority complex on you, to create an illusion of the best person in your life.

Storytellers

They are world-class storytellers, mixing their manipulation with some benign fault of yours. When the story is told, they look like the victim, and you look guilty. They use your truth against you, mixing it with their lies. They put on a show that no Oscar winner can match—tears, body language, helplessness—all of it to confuse you about your own reality. They may even fabricate horrible "victim stories," like being molested in childhood or having trauma or health issues, to gain your sympathy. If you don’t fall for their trap, they will call you "heartless" or accuse you of lacking empathy. If you still see through their facade, they will call their "flying monkeys," who believe their performance and jump in to show empathy to them, leaving you isolated and outnumbered.

They’ll send you on guilt trips, confirming that you’re not enough, you’re lucky to have them in your life, and that no one else could handle your "tantrums." When you cry they cuddle you, put you in their lap, and contain you making you feel like a troublemaker, clingy, or dramatic person, the one who always creates a ruckus. While they are the ones who have triggered you in the first place. They will take you to the doctors but will say "You don't have any illness, it's just an attention-seeking attempt". Remember, they know all about you, and if you are expressive and loud, it makes it easy for them. They feed on your reactions, failures, hopelessness, worthlessness, and dependency. By offering you a fairy tale life, they encourage you to put social media posts showcasing your gratitude toward them so that the world knows how much attention you get. During the love bombing, they will make sure you feel like a princess, and after that find out ways to devalue you and then discard you leaving you in the corridor the whole night. And the next day they hoover, beg you sorry, buy you bags, take you to the party and the cycle goes on.

Communication

Playing dumb and deaf, making you feel invisible.

They’ll say, "I don’t like to communicate what I’m doing at work," while hoarding information about social events and sharing it last minute, making it impossible to adjust your schedule. Then, they’ll blame you for being unavailable. When you try to communicate or tell your side, they will go loud, put up a show, and accuse you, of their sins to shift the matter to win. Another technique is passive aggression. This "self-implied" world's best communicators" will go mute, sleep, walk out, or ignore you for days, ensuring you don’t "rise" and make them accountable for what they deny. Your voice becomes worthless, and your feelings are invalidated. If you want to talk about your emotions to tell them what you feel, they go on the phone, sleep, or watch TV, giving you signals to buzz off and "I don't care about your pain", this inconsistency is overwhelming you feel confused, torn between loving and hating them, questioning your worth, your sanity, and even your will to live, know this: it’s not you. It's the Devil next to you.

This is a meticulously planned and systematically executed tactic by a covert narcissist. They manipulate your reality to maintain control and hide their inner shame by making you doubt yourself.

Emotional abuse

What you’re experiencing, my friend, is real—it’s emotional abuse. And no, you don’t deserve it.

Narcissists will never reflect on their flaws; they knowingly project them onto you. There will come a time when you’ll wonder, "Am I the narcissist? Am I overanalyzing? If I work on myself, maybe this will go away. Maybe I deserve the punishment. I have a beautiful life—("the illusion of a fairy tale"). I have everything I want. It’s me who needs to change. The irony is that even after learning all this, after getting educated on what’s happening to you, you might still confront them with the hope for change. But they’ll turn the table, making you look like a narcissist. If you’re experiencing all this, let me reassure you: you are not a narcissist.

Stop doubting yourself and seek a therapist who understands narcissism, because most others will be mesmerized by their charm and will give you the diagnosis of a mentally unstable person.

Why Do They Do This?

Covert narcissists lack empathy and have a fragile sense of self. Research suggests that narcissists have deficiencies in emotional processing and mirror neurons, making it difficult for them to genuinely connect with others. Their behavior is driven by a deep sense of inadequacy, shame, and an intense fear of being exposed as vulnerable or unworthy. They create illusions of perfection and control to shield themselves from this inner turmoil.

Their mission?

To make you believe you are worthless without them and to derive sadistic pleasure from your pain. And yes! They know what they are doing, but will rarely have the courage to accept.

Remember, you are not crazy, and this is not your fault. You are worthy of love, freedom, and a life where you can thrive. You are enough, believe in yourself, give your best, and build a new life, time to let go of your narcissist's projected identity, Your identity is from your inner self.