The Difference Between Being Loved and Being Needed: A Silent Cry Inside Many Women

Parita Sharma
4 days ago
3 min read

When You're Told You’re Not Needed — It Feels Like You Don’t Matter

People often say, “at least you’re needed.” But what happens when even that is taken away?

When your husband tells you — the house can run without you.When your kids are conditioned to think they don’t need you.

When no one asks where you are.

When silence replaces your name.

It’s not just about not being loved.

It’s about being made to feel you don’t matter at all.

He may buy you the finest clothes,plan holidays,even praise you publicly.

But behind those gestures, he withholds the only thing you truly crave —companionship.

Warm presence.

Shared meals.

Honest laughter.

Being chosen, not just accommodated.

He makes you feel you’re replaceable, while keeping you close enough to claim “I’ve given you everything.”

This isn’t being loved. This isn’t being needed.

This is erasure. A slow, silent type. Where you’re still standing… but no one turns toward you.

a women near window, trying to understand silence

“You’re Free to Go” — But Are You?

Covert narcissists are clever.They don’t lock the doors.They don’t scream like villains from soap operas. Instead, they make you feel invisible.

They say things like: “You’re free to go wherever you want.” But behind that statement is no support, no companionship, no warmth.

It’s a trap disguised as freedom.

Because what you really long for isn’t permission. It’s presence. Someone who wants to share moments with you, not just lets you have them alone.

Signs This Could Be Your Story

Here are a few quiet signals that often go unnoticed:

You’re served food but feel like a guest, not a partner.
You do everything at home, but you’re still made to feel “useless.”
Your presence is tolerated, not welcomed.
You’re praised in public, ignored in private.
You feel lonelier with them than without them.
You start questioning your worth, even though nothing seems “wrong.”
You have everything… except connection.

Why Do They Do This?

Because covert narcissists don’t need a partner. They need a mirror. A mirror that reflects back their goodness, their “supportiveness,” their “calmness.”

You break the mirror when you need love. You threaten the illusion when you ask to be emotionally seen.

So instead, they:

Downplay your pain.
Offer silent treatments as punishment.
Create an atmosphere where your emotional needs become burdens.
Replace intimacy with politeness.
Use loneliness as control, without ever raising their voice.

What Can Be Done?

First, don’t gaslight yourself. If it feels cold, it probably is. If it feels empty, don’t decorate it with gratitude.

Here’s how you begin healing:

Name it. Give language to your experience. Being “needed” is not the same as being loved.
Write your reality. Start journaling what happens and how it makes you feel.
Create a circle. Find one safe person or therapist who believes you without asking for proof.
Stop trying to win love by being useful. Love is not a reward.
Visit spaces that reflect your truth. Whether it's a support group or therapy at SEVEE, connection begins where silence ends.

A Personal Whisper to You in your silent cry

If you are reading this and nodding quietly... I see you. This was my story once, too.

I know the pain of being a wife, mother, and woman who is “allowed” to stay but not emotionally welcomed. I know what it feels like to walk through a house that looks perfect but feels hollow.

You are not alone. You are not crazy. And you don’t have to stay in a story that makes you disappear.

Ready to Be Seen Again?

If this blog feels like a mirror to your life, if you have also been silently crying, was unable to name the emotion, maybe it’s time to change the frame. Book a safe, culturally-attuned session at SEVEE. Come home to your self. www.sevee.care

To come in-person in Ahmedabad HO, whatsapp +919712777330