Why Do I Overthink So Much? Is It Love — or Obsession?

Parita Sharma
Aug 27
4 min read

When Your Mind Won’t Stop Spinning, What Is It Trying to Tell You?

I. 🌫️ The Fog Called “Overthinking”

Sometimes, the mind whispers.Sometimes, it shouts.And sometimes, it just won’t shut up.

We call it overthinking — that endless loop of what ifs, should I, did I mess up, will they leave me?

But before we scold our minds for spiraling, pause.There’s something beautiful happening under all that chaos.

Your brain isn’t broken.It’s just trying to protect you.

II. 🧠 What Happens in the Brain When You Overthink?

Scientifically speaking, when you’re overthinking, the default mode network in your brain becomes overactive — this is the part responsible for mental time travel: past regrets, future fears, imaginary scenarios.

At the same time, the prefrontal cortex — your planner — tries to solve what doesn’t need solving.And if anxiety is involved, your amygdala (the brain’s threat detector) is ringing alarms.

But here’s the truth:

Overthinking is your brain’s way of preparing for danger that may never arrive.

It’s your mind saying:

“If I just think about it enough, I won’t be hurt.”

It means there’s either a real threat, or your past pain is masquerading as a present risk.

III. 💔 Is It Obsession? Or Overthinking in Disguise?

Let me tell you a story.

I was 20 when I fell in love.Not with a man, but with a possibility.

He was calm, mysterious, not very expressive — but I projected my dreams onto him like a movie screen.

I daydreamed constantly:How I would dress.How I’d serve tea with just the right smile.How our home would feel.How he’d slowly fall in love with me — just like in my imagination.

But the feelings were never mutual.He didn’t push me away. But he never pulled me close.

I mistook my obsession for destiny.I confused my trauma bond with love.

And so, I overthought everything:What I wore. What I said. How I behaved.I kept editing myself in hopes I’d finally fit the role he hadn’t even written for me.

It took me:

25 years of marriage,
5 years of therapy,
Months of medication,
And a smear campaign that shattered me —

…to realize I wasn’t loved.I was trying to earn love through perfection.But obsession isn’t devotion.It’s just fear, wearing a pretty face.

IV. 💌 What Is Your Anxiety Trying to Do?

Anxiety is often demonized.But I want you to meet her like I do:

“Hi, Anxiety. I see you. I know you’re trying to help. But I’ve got this now.”

Anxiety is not your enemy. It’s a friend on high alert, constantly scanning the world for potential threats. It doesn’t want you to get hurt. It just doesn’t know how to switch off the alarm.

Instead of pushing her away, sit with her. Let her speak. Then, gently guide her out of the driver’s seat.

V. 🪞How to Acknowledge, Then Disengage

Here’s what I do, both with clients and myself:

1. Name the Emotion

Say aloud: “I’m overthinking because I feel unsafe or unseen.”

2. Talk to the Thought

Whisper: “I see you. You’re trying to protect me. But I don’t need this right now.”

3. Ask: What Do I Truly Need?

Not to solve it. But maybe to rest. Or cry. Or call a friend.

4. Choose the Present

Gently shift: water a plant, write one sentence, move your body.

VI. 🌹When Obsession Masquerades as Love

There’s a fine line between devotion and desperation.

Obsession says:

“If I do enough, they’ll choose me.”

Love says:

“I don’t have to become someone else to be safe here.”

Sometimes, the hardest truth is this:

You weren’t in love with the person.You were in love with the version of yourself you thought they could complete.

But healing begins when you choose yourself.

VII. Closing Note — From My Heart

Whether you’re spiraling in overthinking, stuck in an obsession, or just feeling lost in your own head — know this:

Your mind is trying to help you.But you don’t have to obey every thought to feel safe.

You’re not crazy. You’re human.

And I promise —The day you start saying “I see you, but I choose me” —That’s the day the healing begins.

Love,

Parita

Love or Obsession? A Gentle Self-Check

Section 1: Signs of Love

Check all that feel true:

I feel calm, grounded, and safe in their presence.
I can be my authentic self without fear of rejection.
I respect their space and they respect mine.
I trust them without needing constant reassurance.
I don’t need to prove my worth — I already feel enough.
My thoughts about them are peaceful, not anxious.
I can imagine a happy life with or without them.
I know love is about mutual growth, not fixing or changing someone.

If you checked mostly here: You’re likely experiencing secure connection or love — built on mutual respect, safety, and space.

Section 2: Signs of Obsession

Check all that feel true:

I replay conversations or stalk their social media constantly.
I fantasize about changing myself to be more likable to them.
I overthink how I look, speak, or behave around them.
I feel anxious when they don’t reply or give attention.
I imagine dramatic scenarios where they finally “see” my worth.
I ignore red flags because I’m scared to lose the connection.
I feel addicted to how they make me feel — even when they hurt me.
I confuse their silence or coldness with mystery or depth.
I feel like they complete me — I’m lost without them.
I tell myself “once they love me back, I’ll feel okay.”

If you checked mostly here: You may be in an obsessive or trauma-bonded pattern — where your mind is trying to fulfill unmet needs or replay old wounds.